This week’s death of Actress Hayden Panettiere serves as a reminder that domestic violence can affect anyone regardless of wealth or social status.
Genesis House Executive Director Melissa Garrett said the public often fails to recognize the complex layers of emotional and financial control that prevent victims from seeking safety. Garrett said the common question of why a victim chooses to stay ignores the reality of how abusers establish dominance over their partners.
“But it’s not that easy,” Garrett said. “The question that should be asked is why do they abuse? But it all boils down to control, whether that be physical control, emotional control, financial control.”
Garrett said the pressure to maintain a specific public image or family reputation acts as a significant barrier even in the Upper Cumberland.
Panettiere was with her on-again, off-again boyfriend in South Carolina at the time of her death. Panettiere had spoken out about Hickerson’s alleged domestic abuse.
Garrett said victims often fear how disclosure will impact a spouse’s career, family finances, or the way their children are perceived at school.
“It also is an embarrassment, it’s a shameful thing and people want to show that, you know, I have this relationship, I have this family, my family’s great, I have these kids, every time you see us we have these perfect it’s the perfect family,” Garrett said.
Garrett said barriers exist across the entire economic spectrum, from those fearing a loss of status to those in rural areas with no transportation. She said domestic violence does not follow specific financial or gender lines.
“There’s no financial line, there’s no gender line, there’s no line that domestic violence will not cross,” Garrett said. “It can happen to anyone anytime.”
Garrett said judgment from friends and family can cause a victim to stop confiding in their support system. She said comments questioning why someone stayed can leave a victim feeling as though the abuser is the only person they have left.
“The only thing that I have is this person whom I’m in a relationship with whom has promised to love and be a partner and this is what I this is what I have,” Garrett said.
Garrett said the first step for someone experiencing abuse is to talk to a trusted person or an organization rather than feeling forced to leave immediately. She said friends should focus on listening without judgment and keeping communication open.
Garrett said it is vital to remain a friend to those who may leave and return to a relationship multiple times.
“Be open, listen, don’t try to push your beliefs and your thoughts onto people,” Garrett said. “Just be a friend.”
Garrett said abusive relationships often begin with a strong emotional connection before the cycle of control starts. She said the presence of children and a gradual development of the relationship can make the decision to leave more complicated for a victim.
“They woo, they get you in that, they get that connection, they get that emotional connection with the person,” Garrett said. “And then the control starts to be established.”
Garrett said a major misconception is that victims will simply leave once they recognize they are in danger. She said the cycle of violence often includes periods of reconciliation and apologies that lead a victim to believe the behavior will change.
